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JIMINY SELF-HELP HANDBOOK 8

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Key Techniques to improve Empathy
We may struggle to show empathy initially or feel unable to do so but there are techniques and training
to help us do so. To use empathy effectively, we need to put aside our own viewpoint and see things
from the other person's perspective, then, we recognize behavior that initially appears awkward as
simply a reaction based on a person's prior knowledge and experiences. Regarding our target group
and to improve understanding of others, which is the base of empathy, we will focus on giving full
attention in listening, in decoding emotions by observing speech, body, and face and in making
questions.

Listening

A well-known quote about listening from expert Dr. Stephen R. Covey is "Most people do not listen
with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply". He also provides a categorization
of listening in the following five levels:

1. Ignoring – not listening at all
2. Pretend listening – not listening, but occasionally saying “mmhm” or “okay”
3. Selective listening - only hearing part of what someone says
4. Attentive listening – can use mimicking and paraphrasing, but that type of listening is viewed
from our frame of reference
5. Empathic listening - attempting to read and understand the emotions of others – listening to
understand
Many people reach until level 3 and consequently, decide prematurely what the other person means
before he/she finishes communicating.
Some proposed steps/techniques that will help us reach levels 4 & 5 are the following.

Step 1: We must concentrate on not talking, while the other person is talking. We must be sure to pay
attention and to look directly at the speaker.
Step 2: It has been found that multi-tasking does not really work, so if someone is talking to us, we
must our phone down, turn away from our computer monitor, and just listen.

Step 3: It is about listening to the other person when he is talking, instead of preparing our reply.
Step 4: We are paying attention to how the person is behaving.
Step 6: We must be aware of the body language of the other person.